Oh WHY Would I Want to be Anywhere Else?

Well....All "THAT" turned out shitty now didn't it? As in, the time since I started blogging. The moving, the Dad, the brother, the dog, even the fish. The aunt, the uncle, the babies, the Nana. It all turned out to be some "false reality" you could call it. That's just to say, i suppose, that I expected something different, better, "newer". But, all it turned into was a jumble of the same shit encountered, what, 9 years ago? Yeah, about that. Guess You guys get that I'm more pleased about that decision than I have been with nearly any other one i've made. Not only b/c of the obvious thing...appreciation mostly, but there's one more thing. That is, to learn what it really, truly is to not regret something. I say I don't regret decisions, and I never really do, but those were all on much smaller scales. This is the single biggest decision I've made in my life thus far, and it is my first time to really understand what it is to not regret something. Not once have I cried for leaving there. See, now I want to just for thinking what it was like. But, I wouldn't go back for anything at all. Nothing. I don't even know what to say about it now... I've not once, in my mind, looked back on that place since the morning I was driven to the airport. Closure is the point i guess. I now know to whom and to what and to where i belong. It is nothing even close to resembling that place and those people. I miss my brother, I miss my Nana. I'm afraid she'll die, and i'll never know what became of the rest of her time, or how she felt about me. Though, I'm almost sure, knowing Jay, that nothing but awful about me has been fed into their manipulated brains. I wonder after that monumental point in my life, what's next? It was hard, it was good. I want to prepare for my next lesson...

"You could be happy"...i wonder if that could be their song for me...

And...as for now...I am the single happiest girl...perhaps ever? No, that can't be right. But I feel on better about everything on every level than I have in a year. It is nice. It is a relief. I've cried exactly one day in nearly 3 weeks. Know what it was for?? My dad jokingly said I had a big ass and Megan told me I was embarassing her. All within the same hour. How rediculous. I know. But you know, I'll take crying once a month over silly shit than every day over...everything and anything else. I have the most perfect life for me. And I didn't have to try too hard to make it. Everyone I love loves everyone. I couldn't ask for more. Truly. Every single person I have here...amazing. Even those that don't even seem to make that much of an impact. The thing between megan and my family now. Its like the miracle I will never question. I love it. It makes me the happiest of all the things. Kaytie and I are friends again. Who the fuck saw that one coming? Not even me...so IDK who could have. Kristimaries another one of those...but i'm grateful to have her in my life just the same. Cody and I...we have our moments...I don't think we'll ever be close enough for me...but i'll take what i can get...I just wish it were different. Perhaps it can be worked on as our lives mature. Even kenzie...well, she just rocks. And i'd gladly bring her a bag of double stuffed oreo's any time I had the money. =)

I'm chill for writing this evening. I need to color some care bears and go to bed. Just trying to be cool with the coloring like my five year old sister. Heh.

I just love you...Not just YOU, though of course YOU...but all of you.

"Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go So make the best of this test, and don't ask why It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right."

<3