So, 6 days till i go home. And this is the very first time in 2 months i've had this thought that i wanted. I want to go home. I want to go back. Not because of Oak Harbor. Oak Harbor can kiss my black ass! I want to go back to the people i LOVE with all my heart.
I want to go back to YOU. I know it would be happier that way. Forever wouldn't seem so scary with me by your immediate side. None of this bullshit would have happend. You're doubt would be lessened. You get a place and i'd be back in a minute. Would that happen?
I want to go back to my mother. I hated her and miss her so much. Tonight was the first conversation i've had with her since i've been here in which we laughed and just talked and things were okay. she asked me to go home again and i just wanted to go "okay." ...and that be it. But she knows if i go back it would have to be under my one single circumstance. Would she do that?
I want to go back to my dad. MY DAD. The one that was there for 8 years. The one that gave enough of a shit to fight me when i left...to educate me. To tell me what was important, and not fear to give me THE TRUTH. That dad.
I want to go back to my sister. The girl that could put a smile on my face all day. The most innocent thing on earth. Her laugh just melts me, and i want to be back to enjoy it.
These people are my family. All 4 of you. And I want you back. So much right now. So much it hurts my heart. And I cry. Because i need you all. I need you so much more than i could ever verbalize to you. But you're not supposed to know that, because that's how I am. Hell, I even want my little fluffy lion with the butt infection back cause she's so sweet.
I've lived without the people here for so long its tolerable. Even you, i'd been without you for so long, but i feel as though you've been there for jsut as long as the others. My Dad...he's fucked up. I love him. He's fucked up...a lot.
My uncle, he has a drinking problem and I don't get a chance to talk to him when he's not somewhat fucked up. The only people i know here are either potheads or guys looking for ass.
It's just lame.
And that's the way the cookie crumbles.
I'm just sad.
The end.