Lookin' Like I Need a Rescue

She's drunk, and she's with that girl; that drunk girl. And so it goes; they are drunk together. And of course I am okay with it, but of course I hate it. I hate it because of the games my own head plays with me; because of the things my own heart tells me are true, rather they are or not. And I will deal with it, because that is what you do when You love somone so much. That is what You do even when you're head and heart get ahead of You. And that is what You do, even if You may never find out the real truth...you trust and believe...so I.DO.

This is the second time i've had this revolation, both times with the same person. The revolation that I desire to be better than anything she's ever had, and ever will have. With no one else have I ever cared how good I was to them, because I knew how shitty they tended to be to me. But her...never. She is NEVER bad to me, even when I "think" she is. Even when I want to pick fights. Even when i WANT to find something to place blame on...she is NEVER bad. And you know, I want to be that. I want to be so bad. But thinking about it, I don't know how to be that person. I think in order to be that person though, I first have to stop letting my head venture off so far, such as into that above though. I want to be the best to her, for her, and I don't know how. I think about myself and my feelings too much. When she's out having fun, rather than going yay, she's having fun, i play terrible things in my head. I think, why isn't she spending her time "with" me. Why am I not with Her?! I've got to fix that or for sure it's going to eat me. It's going to go nowhere good, but I don't know how to stop that either. How do I do that?

All I know is She is better than anything i've ever had in every way. I love her more than anyone and anything, bottom line. I lie...no one, absolutely no one, comes before her. I'm not sure if that's healthy, but that's just how it is. But I could try to fix that too if that's not right.

I just need to know WHO to be now.

*Where only i can find you, we can run away from here. Show me I'm right...*